Thursday, March 26, 2009

E is for Early Learning

It is good to learn, and probably best to learn early… but whose heart can’t help to go out to a very young man, who finds himself learning life’s harsh lessons about the nature of the relationship between men and women at the vunerable age of 13?

If you haven’t heard, this is the story of Alfie Patten of England. Seduced by 15 year old Chantelle Steadman, Alfie was identified by her as the father of her child, and he stuck by her, even as teen after teen came forward, and admitted also sleeping with his beau in the appropriate timeframe. (Chantelle apparently is just a bit sexually active.) Chantelle, on the other hand, insisted that she was in love with Alfie and that he had taken her virginity.

The Telegraph tells us that Alfie was ‘distraught’ at claims that the little bastard (sorry, that *is* the technical term) that Chantelle eventually popped out was not his.

But DNA will tell all, and sure enough, Alfie ain’t the dad. He should be glad, but as he is programmed to a life of slavery to the master-sex and their spawn/vagina droppings (ok, that one was harsh), I am afraid he isn’t.

Still, this particular package of life lessons will hopefully not be lost on the precocious boy, or on any male who reads this story. I suggest the following lessons:

1) Women are much freer with sex than they like you to know. (Bonobos, anyone?)
2) Women lie about their sex lives. (OK, implied by #1, but hey needs to be said.)
3) Women lie about paternity. A Lot. (Also probably implied by #1, but also needs to be said.)
4) A major motivating factor behind all this lying is money.
5) Use a condom! (You probably aren't the first, and as far as you can know, your predecessor may have been a bonobo.)

I think we’ve about covered this one.


Oh, and p.s. where's the 'rape' charge against Chantelle? Don't you think there would have been one if a 15-year-old man impregnated a 13-year old girl?

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