Wednesday, April 19, 2006

D is for Decompression

Dis of the DivorcedMen blog posted this past Easter Sunday about 'The Wonder'.

You should take a moment to read it, it is a strange place to be in, and only one who has left a horrible marriage can relate to.

People write about all the terrible things about divorce, how it harms children, and the like - all true. But they forget how very hate-full people become, and how great a positive force the ability to leave a hate-full spouse can be.

I remember suddenly, being able to keep my coats and boots and other personal posessions somewhere besides the small converted bedroom that I lived in for years.

I remember suddenly not having to remove garbage from my space that my hate-filled ex dumped in it every day.

I remember suddenly starting to think about how to decorate my space, what kind of art I wanted, if I wanted some kind of pet for my children to enjoy when they were with me.

I remember suddenly not having stress when I came home, but instead thinking 'what new thing will I cook myself tonight?' or 'maybe I will go out and try that new place'.

I remember suddenly having my children with me peacefully coloring, drawing, painting, playing, without an undertone of hatred constantly directed at me by my ex.

I remember my children consulting with me on setting up my new place.

I remember blooming again, living again.

I know what gets written in this blog is often dark, and unhappy as I protest the bias against men that is so prevalent in our culture and courts. It is good to remember that I complain about the bias in an existence where I have my kids, where I have a beloved new spouse, and in spite of being enslaved, very poor, and frequently sued, I am also much, much happier and more fulfilled.

My best to you in your struggles.

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